


destructive

by hypeQueen



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Harm, Some Fluff, some malum if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypeQueen/pseuds/hypeQueen
Summary: everyone kinda saw it, but no one reallllyy saw it. michael's struggling and pushing away help cause that'll help, right?aka you have to write what you want to read





	destructive

a small knock sounded from the dressing room door as michael sat on his phone after sound check.   
"come in" he called out   
"hey" zoe slid in through the door, shutting it gently behind her  
"hello, my favorite tour manager in the world" michael greeted. she came over to sit on the couch opposite of michael to face him. her face was grim, eyebrows slightly furrowed.   
"we need to talk"   
"uh, alright. what's up?" michael could sense the uneasy vibe of the room and started to fidget a little, unsure of what was about to come up   
"i've been recently made aware that you have, well- you've been possibly making some destructive decisions. and it's something that needs to be taken care of." zoe uncomfortably wrung her hands looking at michael.   
"i don't know what you're talking about zoe. i'm fine." he knew deep down that she knew but he hoped that this route of playing dumb would help him avoid this awkward confrontation.   
"the stylist saw them the other day during that magazine shoot, michael. i just want to talk about this so we can get you help."  
"it's not a big deal. i'm not hurting anyone. so it's fine." he reasoned, almost pleadingly  
"michael, this is not a healthy way to cope. as well as we need to get ahead of this before someone that's not a stylist ends up seeing them"  
"don't worry, zoe. i can deal with it on my own. but please don't like tell this to everyone, it's something i'll just handle. don't worry." michael responded, standing up and grabbing his cold brew off the table between them quickly.   
"im gonna go now, you know your way." he called out with an almost shaking hand on the door handle. he exited and with the sound of the door shutting, zoe sighed, staring at the ring of condensation left by michael's cup. 

 

michael had made his way out to the roof of the building the record company had been throwing a party. their album had just been released and they were on top of the world. although for michael it was nice with the few lights from the party and with the lack of a bar and minimal knowledge of how to navigate to the roof, it was empty besides the man quietly leaning against the railing.   
the single-souled roof was later joined by one of the happiest souls michael knew: ashton.  
"i think we should hire a designated person to be with calum while he's drunk to just handle all of his existence with alcohol," ashton cleared his throat  
"yeah, or like a girlfriend" michael suggested as ashton joined him at the railing.   
"what are you doing out here?" michael could smell the alcohol on ashton's breath when he spoke   
"i just needed to get out of there. and you know rooftops."   
"yeah, i guess. what's going through that head of yours, clifford?   
"nothing, what about yours?", at this ashton really looked over at michael with those eyes.   
"really michael, are you okay?"   
"yeah, just you know." the tiredness in michael’s voice dripped out.   
"i don't. but i want to. so please?" the silence bubbled between them as michael struggled to come up with someway to get himself out of this. his saving grace was a calum hood coming up to the roof, lips attached to another's. their back against the wall calum up against them, lips still lunging at each other. ashton rolled his eyes at the antics of his band mate sucking face.   
"i think i'm gonna go. home, i mean" michael said, still glancing at calum. ashton felt his throat catch him from pressing on their conversation they were just in, instead settling for a simple "bye mike. be safe". 

 

writing days have always been sanctuary to michael. he was sitting on a leather couch in the small cabin with luke who had slowly moved from sitting on the chair, to on the couch, to using michael's legs as a personal pillow. the other writer they were working with was out getting food after deciding that the food stocked in the fridge was disappointing at best.   
"you know, actually i think i might have a concept. it's in my book" michael pointed down towards his feet at the weathered black journal. luke grabbed it but before handing it over to michael, fluttered through it.   
"um, no. no. and no" michael laughed uncomfortably, reaching to take it out of luke's hands.   
"mikes, c'mon! you never let me look at it. i fully know you have some of the best ideas in here and you won't even say anything" luke reasoned, still fingering through the pages. that's when one specific page caught his eye, obviously a bit wrinkled from getting wet. luke's eyes slowly trailed down the lines of dancing black ink. after seeing luke's face in response to what he was reading, michael turned his body a bit to look at what page he was on. he read the first line, remembering the spot in the empty bathtub he was laying in when he wrote it. a rough night.   
"this has been fun" michael snatched the journal out of luke's hands and turned to the page he wanted to show luke hastily.   
“michael, what was that?” luke pushed, his voice with the smallest bit of shake in it  
“that was nothing, look at this idea.” michael prayed in his head that luke would take the deflection, opening to the page he wanted to show luke.  
“no, what was written in there?”   
“luke, it was nothing.”  
“michael, i wrote during my rough patch and i know what they’re like. so i’m gonna ask one more time, what was that?”  
michael dragged his hands down his face before responding, “it was just me being dramatic, not even a rough patch, i’m all good.”   
“are you sure? seems pretty rough-patch like to me..”   
“no, luke. i am fine. please drop it.” his eyes pleaded into luke’s.   
“fine, but the second you aren’t, i’m here for you” 

 

it’s never something he’d ever expect to see out of his friend. they had been on break when calum had been over at michael’s that night, michael had made dinner and they sat at the little table on his fourteenth floor balcony eating while the sun set. when ten finally rolled around, they had said their goodbyes with a bro-hug and calum took off. it wasn’t until he was all the way down to his car when he patted his pockets and realized he forgot his phone back in the apartment. so he journeyed all the way back up to his fourteenth floor apartment. calum knocked once with no answer, so continued to use his key that he had for emergencies and when he partied too hard too far away from his house and needs to crash somewhere. when calum walked in he immediately walked towards the couch before he heard it. he’d only seen michael cry a few times but sobbing? almost never until that moment. calum quietly knocked on the bathroom door.   
“mike? can i come in?”  
“calum? what’d you forget?”  
“my phone. can i come in now?” his body framed the door, knowing he’d to be let in if he used that tone. he heard a metal on tile clatter and the drawers get opened and closed a couple times. he could tell michael was starting to calm down now.   
“come in” he let out falteringly after a few more moments. calum twisted the handle to reveal a puffy eyed michael leaning against the counter.   
“talk to me, man. what’s going on? and don’t say nothing cause i know you blew off luke when he tried asking but it’s us. it’s me” calum stepped forward towards his friend.   
“i- just…” michael trailed off while picking at his lip, drawing blood. calum reached his hand out to grab his wrist to stop. the flinch is what gave him away.   
“michael clifford, what is going on?”   
“it's bad. it's not good, you don't want to get into it. i promise.” his voice shook as he pulled his wrist away from calum’s hand.   
“i promise i do. i want to help, i want to get you help. i want you to be happy and i will do whatever it takes to help you get there” calum’s voice was calm and gentle with michael, leading a deer.   
“cal, i've been doing the thing again. the thing i did back in high school when i got depressed. yeah, i guess i'm one of those” his eyes never raised from the nikes calum was wearing.   
“oh,” is all calum could respond before pulling michael into a hug.   
“we can get through it, man. we’ll get you through this.” calum spoke into his shoulder, “have you done any today?”   
“we don’t have to do this..i can handle this, man” michael prayed calum would take the out, of course he didn’t.   
“you can, but you don’t have to. and i know you don’t want to. so let me help you, you and i both know this isn’t how you wanna live” michael’s wall was slowing crumbling by calum’s words. 

 

three months later, michael sat almost two months clean next to the boys on their hotel balcony overlooking vegas. he didn’t tell the other two boys till two days after calum. calum had magically set up a therapy appointment for him and he knew he’d have to tell them for the tour starting back up. a day of slightly spiked lemonade in calum’s house and some awkward words mumbled out by michael and cleared up by calum. recovering was difficult but at two months clean he was feeling good, especially surrounded by his bandmates on one of the biggest tours of his life. although in vegas, none of the boys had a single drip of alcohol in their glasses on the large balcony. by his therapists recommendation and some self reflection, michael gave up alcohol for at least the tour. when the boys heard this they immediately stopped drinking around him, ashton giving all of it up as well. whenever michael felt like this ribs were too small to hold his lungs, he always had them. the boys that supported him through heaven and high waters.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this. 
> 
> majority written on the balcony at 3am, a small bit written in a grocery store parking lot.


End file.
